it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
