idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Hippo gnu deer
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
