I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
