I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
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Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
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I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
COCAINE IS GR8
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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