shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
