found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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