please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
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So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
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well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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