Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
