I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
porn star boner night. come get it.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
