TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
