Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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