I showed him my bush... on skype.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
