peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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