After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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