I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
