swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
