The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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