waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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