those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
