I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
