so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Mom said you looked used
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
