I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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