life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
