I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
