My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
