whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
