I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
