Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
