Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
