I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
