I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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