She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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