i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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