I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
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