You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
