wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
