My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
