I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
