speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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