I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
