Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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