She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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