It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
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Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
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She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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