I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
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My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
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just found out that she named her cat after me.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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