on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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