Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
