Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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