Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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