Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
they're like a gay fantastic four
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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