i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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