You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
