Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
third nipple confirmed
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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