put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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