im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
We had to coat check the pizza.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
