That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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