Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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