so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
