Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
