Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
