By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
