dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
