I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
