i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
where are you?
Hypothermia
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
