Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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