would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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