Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
