I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
