Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Randomize
