hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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