i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
