i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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