I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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